Sorry, I've been MIA. I destroyed my laptop after tripping over the power cord in a sleepy stupor one morning....so I was forced to use my desktop, in which the keyboard has a broken space bar. But I finally got myself a new laptop last week, so I can bore you to tears again!!
This post was brought on by an argument that Rob, and I had the other night. He started whining about the fact that I don't make him a lunch for work. Now, we have jokingly discussed this before. But never in a serious way. When Rob, and I moved in together, before the kids, I not only got up with him to see him off to work at 4:30 in the morning, but I also made him his lunch everyday. At the time it was something that worked for us. We both worked, but I still made sure I did this. Things have changed...
I honestly cannot remember if I still made him a lunch after Ciena was born, it's possible. She was a pretty easy baby, and slept good at night, not to mention there was only one of her;) Now I will say, that Rob and I both discussed whether or not I should go back to work after Ciena was born. We decided TOGETHER, that as long as we could afford it, I would stay home with the kid(s). Early on in this arrangement things were not great. I was making next to nothing in regards to mat leave, and baby bonus. We went back and forth between having one vehicle, and 2. So usually, I was stuck at home, in the middle of nowhere with a baby. To say that I felt lonely, isolated, and sad is an understatement. I loved staying home with my daughter, but I hated how monotonous my days were. Everyday was groundhog day. Even if I did have a vehicle, I had no money to do anything.
Even if I did have a vehicle, I had no money to go out and do anything. At that time, even though it wasn't actually said out loud, Rob's money was very much "his money" I had to ask him for money for anything I wanted or needed, or if I wanted to have lunch with a friend. I felt like a child, and it was humiliating. Then he came up with this genius idea. He would give me an "allowance" of $100 a week. Now let me tell you, I realize now how disgusting, and disrespectful that sounds. I wasn't bringing in any money, but I was home with our daughter everyday. And if I could shake the shit out of my former self, I would. But back then, I was ecstatic!! "Yay, $100 of my very own!!" I really didn't understand when my friends were telling me how messed up that was. I get it now...
I'm not sure when things changed, or when I woke up? Maybe when Rob would refuse to give me his debit card to get groceries. He would give me cash(an amount he thought was reasonable) and away I would go. I had to use a calculator to make sure I didn't go over. Some would say that's smart, yes I'm sure it is....but only if it's my choice. Not because my husband didn't trust me with "his" bank account. Around the time I got pregnant with Joel, I also grew some balls. I told my husband that this was a partnership, and he wasn't treating me that way. After some long talks, he not only would let me use his debit card, he actually changed it into a joint account, and gave me my very own card. It only took 3 years.
Now, I'm sure I don't need to mention that having 2 kids, while not necessarily harder...is definitely more tiring. And Joel did.not.sleep. I'm talking like waking 6 times a night until he was 2. So I never made Rob's lunch. I was too tired from being up all night with a baby/toddler. But it was never an issue, until a week ago. Apparently all of his buddies at work feel bad for Rob because "oh, I guess your wife doesn't make your lunch?!" No, I don't. I'm too tired after taking care of children all day, getting up through the night with a teething baby, and bitching at my husband which seems to drain my energy too. And if it wasn't bad enough this is how Rob looks at this whole situation, I'm loosely quoting him, "We're doing this thing old school. But you're not acting like it!" Now, if you're wondering what the eff he is talking about, and don't worry, so was I. "Old school" means like in the 1950's when men worked, and women stayed home managing the babies, the housework, had dinner on the table...and they probably banged their husbands every night too. I'm a bad, bad wife.
So now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here? I should also mention that the word "lazy" was thrown around too, although he assured me that he doesn't really think I'm lazy. He just needs me to "help" more. He helps by going to work, so apparently it's my job to make sure his enormous lunch is packed in the morning. I guess taking care of the kids all day,making sure the house is clean,and stepping up during the night when kids/babies are awake isn't help enough. I will also take this time to state that Rob has NEVER gotten up during the night with any of the kids. No matter how much I have begged him to "help" Ironic? I think so.