Monday, 16 December 2013

2013 Recap

Well, as 2013 is coming to a close...say what? I know, this year has FLOWN by! I have been thinking about the highs, and lows, amazing moments, and not so amazing ones. So, I thought I would just do a little recap of the last year of my life.

Thinking back to a year ago, seems like a whole different time. We were still dealing pretty heavily with Logan's strange episodes, and struggling with his delays. I was still trying to find my groove of being a mother of 3. And I was just overwhelmed in general. Not that things are really that much different in that respect now. ;)

A year ago, I had a (almost) one year old that was significantly delayed in both, gross motor, and fine motor skills. He couldn't roll over, he couldn't sit up well, he was not mobile at all. I mean, literally I could set him down, and know that he would be in the same spot 10 minutes later. I struggled. I would see people posting cute pictures, and videos on Facebook of their (sometimes much younger) babies doing things that Logan just couldn't do. I remember being so sad seeing my baby looking at the Christmas tree, and knowing that he just wanted to touch it, but unless I put him down right next to it....he just couldn't. I would be so hurt, and upset when people would say, "Oh, be thankful he's not getting around. They just get into everything." Yeah, I knew that. But I wanted for him to be getting into stuff. I wanted to have to put a gate around my Christmas tree. Do you know unusual it is, to be able to have a mountain of gifts under a tree, and not have to worry about your toddler getting into them? I'll never forget how happy I was, when I got the call that Logan was finally set up with a PT, and an OT. Tears of joy! Logan's PT, Heather was amazing. I remember being so in awe of how much progress he was making in such a short amount of time. I saw Heather today, she took one look at Logan running, and her eyes filled up with tears. She said, "Do you realize that it was right around this time a year ago that I started seeing Logan? And look at him!" The first time Heather saw my one year old son, he couldn't even roll over, and in 8 months, she had him on his feet, taking steps. I can say, hands down, the day that Logan took his first steps, was the greatest day, and the biggest joy of 2013.

Now, most of you that are reading this, are close friends. So, you will not be surprised when I talk about the issues in my marriage, being an intense low of this year. I'm not going to go into specifics, obviously a lot of you know. But, this was a hard, hard year for us. We struggled, and are still struggling some days. I cannot explain to you what it feels like to question your marriage. To question all the years you have spent with this person, all the happy times, as well as the difficult. It's terrifying. Not knowing what the right decision is, and not having the strength to make hard choices. But we're still here. We both do a lot of soul searching this year. And the bottom line? The conclusion that we both came to? We want to be married. And furthermore, we want to be married to each other. We are still making mistakes, and trying to learn from them. We don't always have good days....or weeks. But I can say with 100% certainty, we are both much happier than we were 6 months ago. I have no idea what the future holds for us. If I had a wish, it would be for the two of us to still be here, and loving each other 50 years from now. We're not perfect. But, we acknowledge that, and do our best. It's not always easy, but it is worth it.

This year, my little Joely started school. Like real school. Crazy! Putting him on the bus that first day was so bittersweet. He was so excited, and brave. And independent. Which is everything I wanted him to be on the first day. But, I anxiously waited all day for a phone call saying that he just wanted to come home. And it never came. It dawned on me, that he didn't need me as much as he used to. He was a big boy. He had a great day, and came home, and he was so excited! That's hard. Here is my little "baby" the boy who still falls asleep in my lap every night. The one who cries at the drop of a hat. He's so little. But he proved that there were some things that he needed, and wanted to do on his own. The last 3 months I have noticed a huge change in Joel. He isn't so shy, he is so inquisitive. He wants to learn! And he is learning. He's making friends. All of the things you want for your child, and they are doing them. It's a proud moment.

Ciena. Aaah, what can I say about my sweet little firecracker? Wise beyond her years, that's for sure. She talks like an adult. She understands everything. And one change I noticed in her this year? She gets sarcasm! Before, she wouldn't get the joke. So she'd get upset, and then you'd try and explain it to her, and just no. But then one day, she just got it. I love the fact that we have our own little inside jokes now. We laugh our heads off while the boys in the house look at us like we're nuts. While Ciena didn't have any big defining moments this year, she has grown so much. She isn't a kid, kid anymore. She's a little lady. No longer are the days when she just doesn't care if she has messy hair for school, she does care! She embarrasses very easily, and doesn't like feeling like the butt of the joke. She is quite serious, but loves nothing more than to laugh when something is really funny. She is an amazing kid. Her teacher told me that she had separated all of the students into study groups. And of course, there was a lot of bickering, and fighting. So the teacher called up each student individually, and asked them to name 2 students who they would want to work with. And she said every student named Ciena as one of their two choices. I cried. I cried happy tears that I was raising a kind child. A child who finishes her work, and then helps others with theirs. She is amazing.

This year really has been a roller coaster. I had lots of laughs, and I cried even more. I always try to be a kind hearted person. I do not easily let things roll off my shoulders. And this past years tried me in ways I never thought possible. I considered ending my marriage, I watched my sweet Logi become a maniac over the Christmas tree just like I had hoped he would last year, I found out who my true friends were, and lost some friends that I thought were forever. Definitely not an amazing year by any stretch of the imagination, but the awesome, and totally wonderful parts were worth all of the rest of the bullshit. So, I say farewell to 2013. And hopefully 2014 is a year that kicks this year's ass!!

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