Sunday, 19 January 2014

The man cold...

I know that I rip on my husband a lot, truth is he's a pretty great guy. So although this post is technically about my experience dealing with him when he's sick.....I'm sure many women will be able to identify with many aspects of this post.

The "man cold" yes, there is a label given to men who have colds. Basically because when women have colds, they are generally able to function like a normal human being, and most of the time they really have no other option but to do the shit that needs to be done. But men? They're a little different. I'll take you through the most annoying things about my husband being sick.

-He doesn't fucking move. Seriously. He's either on the couch, or in bed, but he stays there. And I'm sure you're probably thinking, "Well hey, he's not feeling good. Shouldn't he be in bed?" And, maybe you're right. But a part of me gets all, "Hulk smash!!" We have 3 kids. When I am sick, whether I have a headache, or a tummy ache, or I am violently throwing up, I have kids to take care of. I have no other options. I asked Rob to take the day off ONCE, and I never heard the end of it. It's pretty bad when I would rather ask my mom to take the day off work to watch the kids, than my husband because I know he won't shut up about it. So, yeah. I get a little cranky when I have to walk past the couch with my husband huddled under a blanket moaning.....yes, moaning.

-Constant bathing. When my husband is sick, he will take a crazy amount of baths. And trust me, I get it. When I'm sick, a warm bath always makes me feel better. But, he doesn't just take one, he takes many. In fact, the only time he gets off the couch, or out of bed, is to take a bath. That I don't get. You're sick, you have chills, yeah go lay in the tub, and you'll feel better. But, really, I draw the line at 3 or 4 baths. Put some long underwear on, wear your wool socks, and get under some fucking blankets!

-"I feel so horrible" "How can I be fine this morning, and feel so badly now?" "When you were sick, how long was it until you felt better?" "I'm so cold." "No, don't do that. Daddy's sick." I think this all speaks for itself...

-His complete inability to do anything productive, all day long. A few months ago, we were all sick. I had to take Joel into the doctor to get checked out. I was running a fever, and felt horrible, but someone had to take him in. Rob was in bed moaning. Of course. So I went in, and told him that I needed him to watch Logan, so I didn't have to take him, too. "I can't watch him. I'm too sick." WTF?? I debated on fighting about it, but there wasn't time. I debated just telling him I was leaving Logan there, but decided that I didn't trust him not to just fall asleep, and leave Logan to roam the house. So I got to take 2 kids to the doctor, one of which screams the entire time we are in the office. It was super fun. I never understand how I am able to push through whatever illness I'm in the middle of, and do what needs to be done, but he can't even move.

I swear, I have 3 children, and I have never heard this much whining, and complaining from them. I feel bad because I know I'm being bitchy. And he'll say, "Why do you always get so mad at me when I get sick?" Seriously? It's not the fact that you're sick that pisses me off. It's the fact that I all of a sudden become a mother of 4. Why are men like this?? I started thinking the other day about how much I baby my kids when they're sick, is this what the outcome is? I mean if so, I truly apologize in advance to their future spouses. Because this is ridiculous.

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