Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Halloween makes me think about you....

I remember that night so clearly.

It was my very first night closing the restaurant. And also Halloween night. The night had been pretty decent, even at the busier times. I was on my own in the dining room, so I was just happy that I hadn't made any mistakes. Finally the restaurant had died down, and I could relax.

Then one of the guys from the kitchen said that two women were at the back door, and needed to talk to me. For some reason, I didn't even consider that anything could be wrong. I just assumed that it was a couple of friends of mine. Why they would be showing up to see me at work at 10:30 on Halloween night wasn't something that entered my mind. I went into the kitchen, and saw my mom, and my Aunt standing at the door. Right away I knew. "Grandma Sharon" were the only words my mom could get out before I fell to the ground. I hit the floor before anyone could catch me, and I didn't care. I just wanted to lay there, I wanted to die...

To say that I was close with my grandmother, would be an understatement. She was one of my best friends. She supported me in anything I did...even when everyone else said I was wrong. She had an amazing sense of humour, and made me laugh constantly. She was so selfless. Everything she did, she did for others. And although I'm sure there are many people who knew her would say that some of the things she did were questionable, and I would agree, the thing is she still did those things completely for someone else. Her heart was always in the right place.

When I was a young child, I only saw my grandma in spurts. She was a heavy drinker, and was also taking a lot of medication, so I'm sure you could guess what that was like. She would frequently lay on her couch and call all of the grandkids over and tell them that she was dying, and we were never going to see us again. And she would be crying the entire time. Needless to say, we were all freaked out. So there were many times when my parents wouldn't allow us to visit her, as she was quite unstable. But then, she cleaned up. She stopped drinking except for a drink here and there. She was much more responsible, and I enjoyed being around her.

The December before my Grandma Sharon passed away, my great grandma passed away. She was my grandma's mother. Her death was very hard on my grandma. She saw my grandma everyday, she even made her dinner for her every single night. My great-grandma would drive to my grandma's and pick up her dinner, that was what tipped my grandma Sharon off that something was wrong with my great-grandma....she never showed up. If it weren't for my grandma Sharon going over there, who knows how long it would have been before someone discovered my great-grandma. I don't even want to think about it.

Exactly a week before my grandma Sharon passed away, all of our family got together. I am so thankful for that. I hadn't had a family birthday party in years. But I had moved out on my own that year, and missed seeing everyone. So I decided to have a party. My grandma was the happiest I had ever seen her. She dressed up, and told me that she got a new dress just for the occasion. She was beautiful. We all had a fantastic night. I will remember it forever.

I talked to my grandma 2 days before she passed away. She was sick, with a cold. But we discussed plans for the following week to go to the cemetery, and visit my great-grandma's grave. Then it was Halloween, and she was gone. The autopsy later showed that she passed away from heart and lung complications. She had smoked all her life, but had just recently quit. She was so proud of herself. We're not entirely sure, but we think she may have had pneumonia. Either way, I got in the car with my mom, and Aunt, and we drove to my apartment where I tried to explain to my boyfriend what had happened while I packed a bag to stay with my mom. The next week was one of the most horrible of my entire life. I barely remember any of it. I just remember wanting to hug her, kiss her, tell her I loved her again. I wanted to hear her say "I love you Angel girl." like she did every time I saw her....I just wanted her back.

Now I have kids, and kids love Halloween. And as much as I try to stay positive for them, I am sad every single year on Halloween. Missing my grandma. And hating the fact that she never knew my kids. That is the cruelest thing I can imagine. I tell the kids as much about grandma as I can. Ciena always says, "She would have loved us!" Yes honey, she would have:(

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