I know that I rip on my husband a lot, truth is he's a pretty great guy. So although this post is technically about my experience dealing with him when he's sick.....I'm sure many women will be able to identify with many aspects of this post.
The "man cold" yes, there is a label given to men who have colds. Basically because when women have colds, they are generally able to function like a normal human being, and most of the time they really have no other option but to do the shit that needs to be done. But men? They're a little different. I'll take you through the most annoying things about my husband being sick.
-He doesn't fucking move. Seriously. He's either on the couch, or in bed, but he stays there. And I'm sure you're probably thinking, "Well hey, he's not feeling good. Shouldn't he be in bed?" And, maybe you're right. But a part of me gets all, "Hulk smash!!" We have 3 kids. When I am sick, whether I have a headache, or a tummy ache, or I am violently throwing up, I have kids to take care of. I have no other options. I asked Rob to take the day off ONCE, and I never heard the end of it. It's pretty bad when I would rather ask my mom to take the day off work to watch the kids, than my husband because I know he won't shut up about it. So, yeah. I get a little cranky when I have to walk past the couch with my husband huddled under a blanket moaning.....yes, moaning.
-Constant bathing. When my husband is sick, he will take a crazy amount of baths. And trust me, I get it. When I'm sick, a warm bath always makes me feel better. But, he doesn't just take one, he takes many. In fact, the only time he gets off the couch, or out of bed, is to take a bath. That I don't get. You're sick, you have chills, yeah go lay in the tub, and you'll feel better. But, really, I draw the line at 3 or 4 baths. Put some long underwear on, wear your wool socks, and get under some fucking blankets!
-"I feel so horrible" "How can I be fine this morning, and feel so badly now?" "When you were sick, how long was it until you felt better?" "I'm so cold." "No, don't do that. Daddy's sick." I think this all speaks for itself...
-His complete inability to do anything productive, all day long. A few months ago, we were all sick. I had to take Joel into the doctor to get checked out. I was running a fever, and felt horrible, but someone had to take him in. Rob was in bed moaning. Of course. So I went in, and told him that I needed him to watch Logan, so I didn't have to take him, too. "I can't watch him. I'm too sick." WTF?? I debated on fighting about it, but there wasn't time. I debated just telling him I was leaving Logan there, but decided that I didn't trust him not to just fall asleep, and leave Logan to roam the house. So I got to take 2 kids to the doctor, one of which screams the entire time we are in the office. It was super fun. I never understand how I am able to push through whatever illness I'm in the middle of, and do what needs to be done, but he can't even move.
I swear, I have 3 children, and I have never heard this much whining, and complaining from them. I feel bad because I know I'm being bitchy. And he'll say, "Why do you always get so mad at me when I get sick?" Seriously? It's not the fact that you're sick that pisses me off. It's the fact that I all of a sudden become a mother of 4. Why are men like this?? I started thinking the other day about how much I baby my kids when they're sick, is this what the outcome is? I mean if so, I truly apologize in advance to their future spouses. Because this is ridiculous.
Sunday, 19 January 2014
Monday, 16 December 2013
2013 Recap
Well, as 2013 is coming to a close...say what? I know, this year has FLOWN by! I have been thinking about the highs, and lows, amazing moments, and not so amazing ones. So, I thought I would just do a little recap of the last year of my life.
Thinking back to a year ago, seems like a whole different time. We were still dealing pretty heavily with Logan's strange episodes, and struggling with his delays. I was still trying to find my groove of being a mother of 3. And I was just overwhelmed in general. Not that things are really that much different in that respect now. ;)
A year ago, I had a (almost) one year old that was significantly delayed in both, gross motor, and fine motor skills. He couldn't roll over, he couldn't sit up well, he was not mobile at all. I mean, literally I could set him down, and know that he would be in the same spot 10 minutes later. I struggled. I would see people posting cute pictures, and videos on Facebook of their (sometimes much younger) babies doing things that Logan just couldn't do. I remember being so sad seeing my baby looking at the Christmas tree, and knowing that he just wanted to touch it, but unless I put him down right next to it....he just couldn't. I would be so hurt, and upset when people would say, "Oh, be thankful he's not getting around. They just get into everything." Yeah, I knew that. But I wanted for him to be getting into stuff. I wanted to have to put a gate around my Christmas tree. Do you know unusual it is, to be able to have a mountain of gifts under a tree, and not have to worry about your toddler getting into them? I'll never forget how happy I was, when I got the call that Logan was finally set up with a PT, and an OT. Tears of joy! Logan's PT, Heather was amazing. I remember being so in awe of how much progress he was making in such a short amount of time. I saw Heather today, she took one look at Logan running, and her eyes filled up with tears. She said, "Do you realize that it was right around this time a year ago that I started seeing Logan? And look at him!" The first time Heather saw my one year old son, he couldn't even roll over, and in 8 months, she had him on his feet, taking steps. I can say, hands down, the day that Logan took his first steps, was the greatest day, and the biggest joy of 2013.
Now, most of you that are reading this, are close friends. So, you will not be surprised when I talk about the issues in my marriage, being an intense low of this year. I'm not going to go into specifics, obviously a lot of you know. But, this was a hard, hard year for us. We struggled, and are still struggling some days. I cannot explain to you what it feels like to question your marriage. To question all the years you have spent with this person, all the happy times, as well as the difficult. It's terrifying. Not knowing what the right decision is, and not having the strength to make hard choices. But we're still here. We both do a lot of soul searching this year. And the bottom line? The conclusion that we both came to? We want to be married. And furthermore, we want to be married to each other. We are still making mistakes, and trying to learn from them. We don't always have good days....or weeks. But I can say with 100% certainty, we are both much happier than we were 6 months ago. I have no idea what the future holds for us. If I had a wish, it would be for the two of us to still be here, and loving each other 50 years from now. We're not perfect. But, we acknowledge that, and do our best. It's not always easy, but it is worth it.
This year, my little Joely started school. Like real school. Crazy! Putting him on the bus that first day was so bittersweet. He was so excited, and brave. And independent. Which is everything I wanted him to be on the first day. But, I anxiously waited all day for a phone call saying that he just wanted to come home. And it never came. It dawned on me, that he didn't need me as much as he used to. He was a big boy. He had a great day, and came home, and he was so excited! That's hard. Here is my little "baby" the boy who still falls asleep in my lap every night. The one who cries at the drop of a hat. He's so little. But he proved that there were some things that he needed, and wanted to do on his own. The last 3 months I have noticed a huge change in Joel. He isn't so shy, he is so inquisitive. He wants to learn! And he is learning. He's making friends. All of the things you want for your child, and they are doing them. It's a proud moment.
Ciena. Aaah, what can I say about my sweet little firecracker? Wise beyond her years, that's for sure. She talks like an adult. She understands everything. And one change I noticed in her this year? She gets sarcasm! Before, she wouldn't get the joke. So she'd get upset, and then you'd try and explain it to her, and just no. But then one day, she just got it. I love the fact that we have our own little inside jokes now. We laugh our heads off while the boys in the house look at us like we're nuts. While Ciena didn't have any big defining moments this year, she has grown so much. She isn't a kid, kid anymore. She's a little lady. No longer are the days when she just doesn't care if she has messy hair for school, she does care! She embarrasses very easily, and doesn't like feeling like the butt of the joke. She is quite serious, but loves nothing more than to laugh when something is really funny. She is an amazing kid. Her teacher told me that she had separated all of the students into study groups. And of course, there was a lot of bickering, and fighting. So the teacher called up each student individually, and asked them to name 2 students who they would want to work with. And she said every student named Ciena as one of their two choices. I cried. I cried happy tears that I was raising a kind child. A child who finishes her work, and then helps others with theirs. She is amazing.
This year really has been a roller coaster. I had lots of laughs, and I cried even more. I always try to be a kind hearted person. I do not easily let things roll off my shoulders. And this past years tried me in ways I never thought possible. I considered ending my marriage, I watched my sweet Logi become a maniac over the Christmas tree just like I had hoped he would last year, I found out who my true friends were, and lost some friends that I thought were forever. Definitely not an amazing year by any stretch of the imagination, but the awesome, and totally wonderful parts were worth all of the rest of the bullshit. So, I say farewell to 2013. And hopefully 2014 is a year that kicks this year's ass!!
Thinking back to a year ago, seems like a whole different time. We were still dealing pretty heavily with Logan's strange episodes, and struggling with his delays. I was still trying to find my groove of being a mother of 3. And I was just overwhelmed in general. Not that things are really that much different in that respect now. ;)
A year ago, I had a (almost) one year old that was significantly delayed in both, gross motor, and fine motor skills. He couldn't roll over, he couldn't sit up well, he was not mobile at all. I mean, literally I could set him down, and know that he would be in the same spot 10 minutes later. I struggled. I would see people posting cute pictures, and videos on Facebook of their (sometimes much younger) babies doing things that Logan just couldn't do. I remember being so sad seeing my baby looking at the Christmas tree, and knowing that he just wanted to touch it, but unless I put him down right next to it....he just couldn't. I would be so hurt, and upset when people would say, "Oh, be thankful he's not getting around. They just get into everything." Yeah, I knew that. But I wanted for him to be getting into stuff. I wanted to have to put a gate around my Christmas tree. Do you know unusual it is, to be able to have a mountain of gifts under a tree, and not have to worry about your toddler getting into them? I'll never forget how happy I was, when I got the call that Logan was finally set up with a PT, and an OT. Tears of joy! Logan's PT, Heather was amazing. I remember being so in awe of how much progress he was making in such a short amount of time. I saw Heather today, she took one look at Logan running, and her eyes filled up with tears. She said, "Do you realize that it was right around this time a year ago that I started seeing Logan? And look at him!" The first time Heather saw my one year old son, he couldn't even roll over, and in 8 months, she had him on his feet, taking steps. I can say, hands down, the day that Logan took his first steps, was the greatest day, and the biggest joy of 2013.
Now, most of you that are reading this, are close friends. So, you will not be surprised when I talk about the issues in my marriage, being an intense low of this year. I'm not going to go into specifics, obviously a lot of you know. But, this was a hard, hard year for us. We struggled, and are still struggling some days. I cannot explain to you what it feels like to question your marriage. To question all the years you have spent with this person, all the happy times, as well as the difficult. It's terrifying. Not knowing what the right decision is, and not having the strength to make hard choices. But we're still here. We both do a lot of soul searching this year. And the bottom line? The conclusion that we both came to? We want to be married. And furthermore, we want to be married to each other. We are still making mistakes, and trying to learn from them. We don't always have good days....or weeks. But I can say with 100% certainty, we are both much happier than we were 6 months ago. I have no idea what the future holds for us. If I had a wish, it would be for the two of us to still be here, and loving each other 50 years from now. We're not perfect. But, we acknowledge that, and do our best. It's not always easy, but it is worth it.
This year, my little Joely started school. Like real school. Crazy! Putting him on the bus that first day was so bittersweet. He was so excited, and brave. And independent. Which is everything I wanted him to be on the first day. But, I anxiously waited all day for a phone call saying that he just wanted to come home. And it never came. It dawned on me, that he didn't need me as much as he used to. He was a big boy. He had a great day, and came home, and he was so excited! That's hard. Here is my little "baby" the boy who still falls asleep in my lap every night. The one who cries at the drop of a hat. He's so little. But he proved that there were some things that he needed, and wanted to do on his own. The last 3 months I have noticed a huge change in Joel. He isn't so shy, he is so inquisitive. He wants to learn! And he is learning. He's making friends. All of the things you want for your child, and they are doing them. It's a proud moment.
Ciena. Aaah, what can I say about my sweet little firecracker? Wise beyond her years, that's for sure. She talks like an adult. She understands everything. And one change I noticed in her this year? She gets sarcasm! Before, she wouldn't get the joke. So she'd get upset, and then you'd try and explain it to her, and just no. But then one day, she just got it. I love the fact that we have our own little inside jokes now. We laugh our heads off while the boys in the house look at us like we're nuts. While Ciena didn't have any big defining moments this year, she has grown so much. She isn't a kid, kid anymore. She's a little lady. No longer are the days when she just doesn't care if she has messy hair for school, she does care! She embarrasses very easily, and doesn't like feeling like the butt of the joke. She is quite serious, but loves nothing more than to laugh when something is really funny. She is an amazing kid. Her teacher told me that she had separated all of the students into study groups. And of course, there was a lot of bickering, and fighting. So the teacher called up each student individually, and asked them to name 2 students who they would want to work with. And she said every student named Ciena as one of their two choices. I cried. I cried happy tears that I was raising a kind child. A child who finishes her work, and then helps others with theirs. She is amazing.
This year really has been a roller coaster. I had lots of laughs, and I cried even more. I always try to be a kind hearted person. I do not easily let things roll off my shoulders. And this past years tried me in ways I never thought possible. I considered ending my marriage, I watched my sweet Logi become a maniac over the Christmas tree just like I had hoped he would last year, I found out who my true friends were, and lost some friends that I thought were forever. Definitely not an amazing year by any stretch of the imagination, but the awesome, and totally wonderful parts were worth all of the rest of the bullshit. So, I say farewell to 2013. And hopefully 2014 is a year that kicks this year's ass!!
Friday, 6 December 2013
Airing my grievances...
It's Friday, so let's bitch it out!
I've been holding this shit in, so I'm sorry if this post is super long. I'm looking at the clock, and it is 8:17am....but it seriously feels like it should be time for bed. My kids are fucking animals, and I say that in the nicest way possible. I mean, they truly are just like animals. They bite, they whine, they steal food from everyone, and I generally cannot take them into public places, because of their unpredictability. I love them to pieces, but this has been one of those weeks that have me locking myself in the bathroom the second Rob gets home from work. I'm going to lay this week out.
They have been up at 5am....ever single day this week. Wut?? How? How do children not collapse into a puddle of anxiety, and exhaustion at 1pm when they get up at 5 fucking AM? I'll tell you. They save that shit for me, when they get home. The second they walk through the door, it's crazy. I do any and all cleaning that needs to be done, in the morning. I don't like looking at the mess, and when I lay Logan down for his nap in the afternoon, I like to be able to sit on my fat ass, and do nothing at all. But, the second my kids get home from school, the house is destroyed. It's amazing to me, that I have managed to teach my 2 year old to put shit away when he's done playing with it, but my 7 year old, and 4 year old are like "Huh? What does that mean?" Trust me, if you visit me anytime after 4 in the afternoon on a weekday.....you will assume I've been robbed, and/or insane.
So, aside from the fact that I am forced to get up and parent children at 5am, which really, I could ultimately deal with. I have the morning routine going on. The kids catch the bus at 8, and how we've never missed the bus, I'll never understand. Mornings are crazy! So, first of all I have to basically bribe Joel to put some fucking clothes on, and remind him that if he goes to school naked, mommy is going to prison. Not that he cares, but it's worth a shot. So, we argue that for a while, and he finally decides to get dressed. The discussion of what he puts on is a different discussion for a different day. Then, I will inevitably hear Ciena whining to help me open her drawers. Yup, this kid has no many fucking clothes that her drawers won't just slide open. Lyfe is hard, yo. Well, this morning I trot into her room to help her, and promptly trip over the mountain of toys that is littering the floor. Awesome. But she got the drawer open, so, crisis averted.
At this point, I'm busy trying to make lunches. Which then starts the complaining about what is put in the lunches, and arguing over who has the better lunch.....I know, I don't get it either. This is generally when Logan decides he is so famished that if he doesn't get fed immediately, he will collapse....or scream bloody murder. So, I start just throwing shit into lunch bags, and throw them into backpacks. Now, feeding Logan is always interesting. He has many special needs when it comes to feeding, one of which is that most of the time he needs someone to feed him. I say "most of the time" because he is technically supposed to be doing it by himself, but in the mornings, there isn't time for that shit. I feed him, because it's quicker. But this morning he decides he wants drinkable yogurt. He loves yogurt in any form, but this is his fave. So, I'm thinking, yes! He can do that himself! One problem....I'm out of straws. That could be bad. He pretty much needs the straw, otherwise that shit is getting poured all down the front of him. But, I have none. And now I'm holding the fucking yogurt in my hand, and he is screaming at me, "Mine! Mine! Miiiiiiinnnnnneeeeee!" So, I do what any other mother would do, I open that shit, and hand it to him. All the while thinking to myself, oh, it won't be that bad. Well, it was. The first drink he takes, everywhere. All over him, all over the floor, just everywhere. Now I'm upset, but of course I can't be upset with him, I gave it to him knowing full well that this would happen. But fuck! And since he won't let me take it from him, he just wanders through the house, leaving a yogurt trail behind him. It's at this moment that I look at the clock, we have 10 minutes.
So, here I come with a new outfit for Logan, and I get to chase him through the house. Yay! And here's the part where I point out that dressing a toddler, is like dressing an octopus. It literally takes me 10 minutes most days to get him dressed, and when I'm done, I look like someone beat the shit out of me. I'm trying to dress Logan, and screaming at the kids at the same time to get their coats, and boots on. Finally Logan is dressed, and we get outside just in time as the bus pulls up.
It's Friday, that means garbage day. Now this is the point in the post where I vent about my husband. Now, he works generally a 12-13 hour day. So I don't expect him to help with housework, or cooking, or anything. I actually prefer her leaves the cleaning up to me, I have a certain way of doing things and, well, we'll just leave it at that. But, he is "supposed" to take out the garbage. We don't put it out the night before, unless we want wild animals to dig through it, so he is "supposed" to take it out Friday morning before he leaves. Well, anyone that has driven past our house in the past 6 months has probably noticed a red truck FULL of garbage. Here's why. My husband NEVER empties that garbage can in the kitchen. Like never. I always do it, and it is ridiculous. This is why. Not only does he not empty it, but he will continue to throw garbage on top when the can is quite obviously full. When I say full, I mean, you throw trash on top, and it promptly falls onto the floor. So then I bag it all up, and either put it by the front door, hoping that Rob takes it out on Friday, or I take it out to the truck. Well, flash forward to this morning. While putting kids on the bus, I notice garbage out at the curb. And inside I am thrilled. Yes! He saw the bags by the door, and took them out, and I didn't even have to ask! Yes! Then I get inside.......there are the bags. So, he took bags from the back of the truck, instead of the ones that are sitting by the door, stinking up the entry way. Now, before you say, "Well, maybe he didn't see them." Trust me, he did. He has to step over them to get the dog his food every morning. Blah!
Now, don't anyone get me wrong. I am happy, I love my life. I actually love being a SAHM. I love doing all of the things that I do. I feel the need to clear that up. I am not "bored, and unhappy" like someone suggested to me earlier this week. I think we all have days or weeks that are just shitty. That's life. Nothing is perfect. But as shitty as this week has been for me, I will always look ahead, and know that next week will be better. I don't drink, but I do a pretty good job of drowning my sorrows in chocolate when I need to. ;)
Happy Friday!!
I've been holding this shit in, so I'm sorry if this post is super long. I'm looking at the clock, and it is 8:17am....but it seriously feels like it should be time for bed. My kids are fucking animals, and I say that in the nicest way possible. I mean, they truly are just like animals. They bite, they whine, they steal food from everyone, and I generally cannot take them into public places, because of their unpredictability. I love them to pieces, but this has been one of those weeks that have me locking myself in the bathroom the second Rob gets home from work. I'm going to lay this week out.
They have been up at 5am....ever single day this week. Wut?? How? How do children not collapse into a puddle of anxiety, and exhaustion at 1pm when they get up at 5 fucking AM? I'll tell you. They save that shit for me, when they get home. The second they walk through the door, it's crazy. I do any and all cleaning that needs to be done, in the morning. I don't like looking at the mess, and when I lay Logan down for his nap in the afternoon, I like to be able to sit on my fat ass, and do nothing at all. But, the second my kids get home from school, the house is destroyed. It's amazing to me, that I have managed to teach my 2 year old to put shit away when he's done playing with it, but my 7 year old, and 4 year old are like "Huh? What does that mean?" Trust me, if you visit me anytime after 4 in the afternoon on a weekday.....you will assume I've been robbed, and/or insane.
So, aside from the fact that I am forced to get up and parent children at 5am, which really, I could ultimately deal with. I have the morning routine going on. The kids catch the bus at 8, and how we've never missed the bus, I'll never understand. Mornings are crazy! So, first of all I have to basically bribe Joel to put some fucking clothes on, and remind him that if he goes to school naked, mommy is going to prison. Not that he cares, but it's worth a shot. So, we argue that for a while, and he finally decides to get dressed. The discussion of what he puts on is a different discussion for a different day. Then, I will inevitably hear Ciena whining to help me open her drawers. Yup, this kid has no many fucking clothes that her drawers won't just slide open. Lyfe is hard, yo. Well, this morning I trot into her room to help her, and promptly trip over the mountain of toys that is littering the floor. Awesome. But she got the drawer open, so, crisis averted.
At this point, I'm busy trying to make lunches. Which then starts the complaining about what is put in the lunches, and arguing over who has the better lunch.....I know, I don't get it either. This is generally when Logan decides he is so famished that if he doesn't get fed immediately, he will collapse....or scream bloody murder. So, I start just throwing shit into lunch bags, and throw them into backpacks. Now, feeding Logan is always interesting. He has many special needs when it comes to feeding, one of which is that most of the time he needs someone to feed him. I say "most of the time" because he is technically supposed to be doing it by himself, but in the mornings, there isn't time for that shit. I feed him, because it's quicker. But this morning he decides he wants drinkable yogurt. He loves yogurt in any form, but this is his fave. So, I'm thinking, yes! He can do that himself! One problem....I'm out of straws. That could be bad. He pretty much needs the straw, otherwise that shit is getting poured all down the front of him. But, I have none. And now I'm holding the fucking yogurt in my hand, and he is screaming at me, "Mine! Mine! Miiiiiiinnnnnneeeeee!" So, I do what any other mother would do, I open that shit, and hand it to him. All the while thinking to myself, oh, it won't be that bad. Well, it was. The first drink he takes, everywhere. All over him, all over the floor, just everywhere. Now I'm upset, but of course I can't be upset with him, I gave it to him knowing full well that this would happen. But fuck! And since he won't let me take it from him, he just wanders through the house, leaving a yogurt trail behind him. It's at this moment that I look at the clock, we have 10 minutes.
So, here I come with a new outfit for Logan, and I get to chase him through the house. Yay! And here's the part where I point out that dressing a toddler, is like dressing an octopus. It literally takes me 10 minutes most days to get him dressed, and when I'm done, I look like someone beat the shit out of me. I'm trying to dress Logan, and screaming at the kids at the same time to get their coats, and boots on. Finally Logan is dressed, and we get outside just in time as the bus pulls up.
It's Friday, that means garbage day. Now this is the point in the post where I vent about my husband. Now, he works generally a 12-13 hour day. So I don't expect him to help with housework, or cooking, or anything. I actually prefer her leaves the cleaning up to me, I have a certain way of doing things and, well, we'll just leave it at that. But, he is "supposed" to take out the garbage. We don't put it out the night before, unless we want wild animals to dig through it, so he is "supposed" to take it out Friday morning before he leaves. Well, anyone that has driven past our house in the past 6 months has probably noticed a red truck FULL of garbage. Here's why. My husband NEVER empties that garbage can in the kitchen. Like never. I always do it, and it is ridiculous. This is why. Not only does he not empty it, but he will continue to throw garbage on top when the can is quite obviously full. When I say full, I mean, you throw trash on top, and it promptly falls onto the floor. So then I bag it all up, and either put it by the front door, hoping that Rob takes it out on Friday, or I take it out to the truck. Well, flash forward to this morning. While putting kids on the bus, I notice garbage out at the curb. And inside I am thrilled. Yes! He saw the bags by the door, and took them out, and I didn't even have to ask! Yes! Then I get inside.......there are the bags. So, he took bags from the back of the truck, instead of the ones that are sitting by the door, stinking up the entry way. Now, before you say, "Well, maybe he didn't see them." Trust me, he did. He has to step over them to get the dog his food every morning. Blah!
Now, don't anyone get me wrong. I am happy, I love my life. I actually love being a SAHM. I love doing all of the things that I do. I feel the need to clear that up. I am not "bored, and unhappy" like someone suggested to me earlier this week. I think we all have days or weeks that are just shitty. That's life. Nothing is perfect. But as shitty as this week has been for me, I will always look ahead, and know that next week will be better. I don't drink, but I do a pretty good job of drowning my sorrows in chocolate when I need to. ;)
Happy Friday!!
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Reflection
So, here I am, 30 years old. When I was a kid, that was old! And now, that's me. And honestly? I feel the same way I did 10 years ago.....a little fluffier, and a little more sleepy maybe. ;) But, the same.
30 days ago, I started "30 good deeds by 30" And wow. It's been an amazing 30 days. When I first decided to do this, it was a fun way to pass thirty days until my birthday. But it became more than that. Day by day, I would do these nice things for people, and for myself. And as the days went on, I noticed all of the amazing opportunities I was seeing to do something that might just turn another person's day around. It didn't take any money, took very little time, but in a second you can put a smile on someones face. That made me happy. It's not because I'm amazing, or inspiring. It's because I'm human.
I noticed it changing the people around me, too. My mom has started randomly paying for the person in line behind her at the drive thru. My daughter, is being a better friend to kids at school. That makes me happy.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is this; if you really pay attention, there are about a million chances in any given day, to do good. See some trash? Pick it up. Hold the door open for someone. Let someone in front of you in line at the grocery store. See a donation box? It could be for anything, drop your loose change in there. Just smile! This is a huge one. I went out one day, and made it a point to smile at every single person I passed, it was amazing to see the transformation in some people. It doesn't matter what your mood, seeing someone smile at you, it changes you. You can't help but smile back, and when you do, even if it's only for 10 seconds, you feel lighter, happier, relaxed. Just a smile.
Life is short, and what are we here for? To do something good, and special with this gift we've been given. Why not share that? Why not make people happy, and make yourself happy in the process? We can all make a difference. I know that sounds cheesy, but I believe it. In just 30 days, I have become more relaxed, happier, and much less hard on myself.
I hope you have all enjoyed my updates, and haven't found me too annoying. :p
Thanks so much for the encouragement, the last 30 days have been amazing!
30 days ago, I started "30 good deeds by 30" And wow. It's been an amazing 30 days. When I first decided to do this, it was a fun way to pass thirty days until my birthday. But it became more than that. Day by day, I would do these nice things for people, and for myself. And as the days went on, I noticed all of the amazing opportunities I was seeing to do something that might just turn another person's day around. It didn't take any money, took very little time, but in a second you can put a smile on someones face. That made me happy. It's not because I'm amazing, or inspiring. It's because I'm human.
I noticed it changing the people around me, too. My mom has started randomly paying for the person in line behind her at the drive thru. My daughter, is being a better friend to kids at school. That makes me happy.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is this; if you really pay attention, there are about a million chances in any given day, to do good. See some trash? Pick it up. Hold the door open for someone. Let someone in front of you in line at the grocery store. See a donation box? It could be for anything, drop your loose change in there. Just smile! This is a huge one. I went out one day, and made it a point to smile at every single person I passed, it was amazing to see the transformation in some people. It doesn't matter what your mood, seeing someone smile at you, it changes you. You can't help but smile back, and when you do, even if it's only for 10 seconds, you feel lighter, happier, relaxed. Just a smile.
Life is short, and what are we here for? To do something good, and special with this gift we've been given. Why not share that? Why not make people happy, and make yourself happy in the process? We can all make a difference. I know that sounds cheesy, but I believe it. In just 30 days, I have become more relaxed, happier, and much less hard on myself.
I hope you have all enjoyed my updates, and haven't found me too annoying. :p
Thanks so much for the encouragement, the last 30 days have been amazing!
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Good deed day 9
So, as most of you know, I have been doing good deeds everyday, as a "30 good deeds by my 30th birthday" thing. I have really enjoyed it thus far, and I have gotten so much out of it already. So today, my good deed is this blog post. I want to give shout outs to the most important people in my life.
Rob, sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you. I wonder if you know how truly wonderful I think you are. We have had a rough year, but we are still here. United, together, in love. And I know it won't always be easy, but I will still be here. When I see you with our children, and the way they look at you, I thank God for you. When I look at my life 50 years from now, it's you who I want at my side.
My children, wow. You are all 3 amazing. I used to think about what being a mother would be like, and it's not anything like I expected. It's better. It's challenging, and frustrating at times, and I know I make mistakes, but loving you 3 will be the most amazing gift I have ever been given. You are all growing up so fast, and I wish I could bottle your childhood, and never let it go, but watching you grow, and the things that you say and do....you leave me in awe everyday. Never, ever forget how much I love you, and always will.
Mom, what can I say? You are amazing. You give so much to everyone, and never ask for anything. You are a warm, caring, and generous person, and never get the credit you deserve. It wasn't until I had children, that I realized all of the sacrifices you made for us growing up. Things that would have never occurred to me. Spending our last $5.00 so that I could have the latest issue of "Bop" Loving me enough to insist on walking me to school until I was in 9th grade. Obviously at the time, I was horrified, but now...I totally get it. That's how much you wanted me safe. Enough to not care how embarrassed I was, or how upset I would be with you. I understand, because that's the way I feel about my own children. You are my closest friend, and the only person that knows all of my secrets. You are the only person I trust with them. I can only hope, that my relationship with my daughter is as amazing as my relationship with you. I love you.
Dad, you have taught me so much. Whether you know this or not, you are the person who has always pushed me to do better. Talking to you, and listening to the way you explain things, and every mannerism you have, reminds me of myself. I am so much like you, and that makes me proud. Because you make me proud. You are easily the smartest person I know. And you make me think, and question things everyday. You have taught me that you can never be too knowledgeable about anything. Growing up we didn't always see eye to eye, well, actually, we never saw eye to eye. But I always loved you so much, and everything I have done, was to make you proud. I hope I've succeeded.
R.J, I could fill a book with how much I love you. You are seriously everything to me. Sometimes I feel like we have a connection that nobody else could ever understand. You get me like nobody else. And we both have the exact same sense of humour, which is awesome! Many of the best times in my life, involve you. And not too many people can say that growing up, their younger brother was their best friend. But that's what you were, and are to me now. I love talking with you, and I love it when you ask me for advice. And seeing how awesome you are to your niece, and nephews just makes me so happy. And I really hope they are just as close as we are. I love you, little brother.
Tia, and Bobbi, you girls, I just love you both so much. You never hesitate to tell me the hard truth, when I need to hear it. And I love you for that. I love that I don't need to reel in my twisted sense of humour around you both, and that you will be laughing right along with me. I never have as much fun with anyone else. You two got me through the hardest time in my life, and helped me to laugh again, for that I will always be grateful. I know that we don't always see eye to eye, but whether one of us takes a walk to Arby's to cool down, or we put on our headphones to drown the other out, or we just flat out ignore each other. I know we will sort things out, even if it takes a year(right Tia. Lol) And, years from now, we'll still be bitching to each other about anything and everything.
My girls(you know who you are), who knew I could meet some of the most amazing ladies in my life, on a message board? I am still amazed everyday, at how lucky I am to have you all in my life. Not only have you been invaluable when it came to questions about babies/toddlers, but you have also become some of my closest friends. You all mean so much to me, and the support and love that I have felt from you all, time and again, is so wonderful. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I "met" you all.
Obviously I can't include everyone in my life, but I have to say, that even if you're not on this list, you have made an impact on my life. You have helped me become the person I am today, and I love you for that. And I love you for what you bring to my life, even if it's anger/sadness/frustration...you are still challenging me to be a better person, and you are reminding me that everyone has a story, and you never truly know what someone else is going through.
Rob, sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you. I wonder if you know how truly wonderful I think you are. We have had a rough year, but we are still here. United, together, in love. And I know it won't always be easy, but I will still be here. When I see you with our children, and the way they look at you, I thank God for you. When I look at my life 50 years from now, it's you who I want at my side.
My children, wow. You are all 3 amazing. I used to think about what being a mother would be like, and it's not anything like I expected. It's better. It's challenging, and frustrating at times, and I know I make mistakes, but loving you 3 will be the most amazing gift I have ever been given. You are all growing up so fast, and I wish I could bottle your childhood, and never let it go, but watching you grow, and the things that you say and do....you leave me in awe everyday. Never, ever forget how much I love you, and always will.
Mom, what can I say? You are amazing. You give so much to everyone, and never ask for anything. You are a warm, caring, and generous person, and never get the credit you deserve. It wasn't until I had children, that I realized all of the sacrifices you made for us growing up. Things that would have never occurred to me. Spending our last $5.00 so that I could have the latest issue of "Bop" Loving me enough to insist on walking me to school until I was in 9th grade. Obviously at the time, I was horrified, but now...I totally get it. That's how much you wanted me safe. Enough to not care how embarrassed I was, or how upset I would be with you. I understand, because that's the way I feel about my own children. You are my closest friend, and the only person that knows all of my secrets. You are the only person I trust with them. I can only hope, that my relationship with my daughter is as amazing as my relationship with you. I love you.
Dad, you have taught me so much. Whether you know this or not, you are the person who has always pushed me to do better. Talking to you, and listening to the way you explain things, and every mannerism you have, reminds me of myself. I am so much like you, and that makes me proud. Because you make me proud. You are easily the smartest person I know. And you make me think, and question things everyday. You have taught me that you can never be too knowledgeable about anything. Growing up we didn't always see eye to eye, well, actually, we never saw eye to eye. But I always loved you so much, and everything I have done, was to make you proud. I hope I've succeeded.
R.J, I could fill a book with how much I love you. You are seriously everything to me. Sometimes I feel like we have a connection that nobody else could ever understand. You get me like nobody else. And we both have the exact same sense of humour, which is awesome! Many of the best times in my life, involve you. And not too many people can say that growing up, their younger brother was their best friend. But that's what you were, and are to me now. I love talking with you, and I love it when you ask me for advice. And seeing how awesome you are to your niece, and nephews just makes me so happy. And I really hope they are just as close as we are. I love you, little brother.
Tia, and Bobbi, you girls, I just love you both so much. You never hesitate to tell me the hard truth, when I need to hear it. And I love you for that. I love that I don't need to reel in my twisted sense of humour around you both, and that you will be laughing right along with me. I never have as much fun with anyone else. You two got me through the hardest time in my life, and helped me to laugh again, for that I will always be grateful. I know that we don't always see eye to eye, but whether one of us takes a walk to Arby's to cool down, or we put on our headphones to drown the other out, or we just flat out ignore each other. I know we will sort things out, even if it takes a year(right Tia. Lol) And, years from now, we'll still be bitching to each other about anything and everything.
My girls(you know who you are), who knew I could meet some of the most amazing ladies in my life, on a message board? I am still amazed everyday, at how lucky I am to have you all in my life. Not only have you been invaluable when it came to questions about babies/toddlers, but you have also become some of my closest friends. You all mean so much to me, and the support and love that I have felt from you all, time and again, is so wonderful. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I "met" you all.
Obviously I can't include everyone in my life, but I have to say, that even if you're not on this list, you have made an impact on my life. You have helped me become the person I am today, and I love you for that. And I love you for what you bring to my life, even if it's anger/sadness/frustration...you are still challenging me to be a better person, and you are reminding me that everyone has a story, and you never truly know what someone else is going through.
Monday, 8 July 2013
5 years ago.....
5 years ago, I was pregnant. I was on top of the world, I had a 2 year old daughter, who was crazy excited about becoming a big sister! Then a few short weeks later....it was all over. I wasn't pregnant anymore.
A few close friends, and family members know the story of one of the most terrible moments in my life. I've decided to tell all of you, because I finally feel ready to write it all out. And although 5 years seems like a long time, it feels like it was yesterday.
Rob, and I knew from the beginning of our relationship that we wanted to have a few kids. After we had Ciena, we were ready to do it again almost right away. Ciena was amazing! We finally decided to start trying right before she turned 2. To our surprise it only took 2 months. After I saw the 2 pink lines....I had a moment of panic. I knew I wanted another child, but it happened so fast that it was a lot to take in. But after talking to Rob, we both calmed down, and realized that even if we were nervous, we were so excited!
Now, let me say, obviously, I knew that women had miscarriages, but I never in a million years would have guessed how common they are (1 in 4!) I guess I was just naiive, thinking that something like that would never happen to me. From the beginning I had several things going through my head. First of all, I could not shake the fact that I was pregnant with twins. I told everyone that I was sure it was twins, they all smiled and said "okay, whatever." Also, I just had an overall bad feeling. I tried to push it away, but it hovered over me in everything that I did.
We told Ciena right away, although at 2, she didn't really understand. We also told everyone we knew, we had no reason to suspect that it was a bad idea. I honestly felt like the luckiest person in the world.....
It was ultrasound day! I never had an early ultrasound with Ciena, there was really no need. There were no problems, and no real reason to request one. But this time I did. That was due to my overwhelming bad feeling. Luckily my doc agreed, and I went in. I was 11 weeks 2 days pregnant. I laid down, and of course the tech told me all the obligatory, "I'll take some measurements first, and then I'll show you. But remember, at this stage, there's not really much to see." I knew right away something wasn't right. She was quiet, too quiet. She asked me how far along I thought I was. I told her 11 weeks. She asked me if I had any bleeding or spotting? Still no. Then she dropped the bomb. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but, there are 2 sacs, twins. But the fetuses are undeveloped. So, either, you are not as far along as you thought, or this is a missed miscarriage." I was stunned, but not surprised. I told her that there was no way I was off on my dates. I had taken a positive pregnancy test at least 6 weeks ago. I knew what had happened. She then told me that she would rush the results to my doctor, and he would call me. She seemed as heartbroken as I was.
I drove home alone, and in tears. Explaining everything to Rob wasn't easy. Because I told him that she said maybe I was just wrong about my dates, he was so hopeful. He thought I was just being pessimistic, but, I knew. My body had been telling me for months, I just ignored it. The next day, my doctor called. I knew instantly the news wasn't good, because it was a Friday, and my doctor doesn't even have office hours on Fridays. He wanted me to come into the office right away. So I did...
He confirmed everything the ultrasound tech said to me. But it was all a blur. "Twin pregnancy.....undeveloped.....very sorry." My doctor was concerned that I hadn't had any bleeding, or even cramping. At 11 weeks he felt like I may need a D&C. He sent me home, and told me that he would call me the following day with an appointment to have another ultrasound, just to be sure, and meet with a surgeon. So I went home struggling with how I would tell my husband. But I didn't have time to worry about that. When I got home, I started spotting. I called my mom, and we went to the hospital. There was a follow ultrasound, and then a meeting with the surgeon telling me that he wanted to do a D&C immediately. My mom called Rob, and he go there just in time to see me off.
I remember waiting to be wheeled into the OR. Every nurse, and doctor stopped to hug me, and say how sorry they were. That meant so much to me. I finally got into the OR, and all I cared about was having it done. When I woke up, I felt empty. Physically, and emotionally.
In the weeks and months after the miscarriage, I felt broken. How did this happen? As a woman, they tell you that your body is designed for this. I felt like a failure, my body had failed me, and my babies. I wanted them, all the dreams, and hopes, and aspirations that I had for them were just gone in an instant. And I felt responsible. I wanted to just shut everyone out, and cry a million tears. The tears seemed non stop. I could never cry enough. We told Ciena nothing, she was still a baby, and didn't understand. Plus, we figured that if we didn't talk about it, she would just forget. Then one day I was getting changed. She pointed at my belly, and said "Mama's baby?" And I fell to the floor. Would I ever be able to be a normal person again? I was alienating friends that had new babies, I refused to leave the house, I was gaining weight like crazy. I was a mess. And it wasn't over. I had another D&C that December, for yet another miscarriage. 2 miscarriages in 4 months. I was done. I was ready to call it a day. This was too painful. Then February came...
2 pink lines...again. I was terrified. Why did I keep doing this to myself? But, I tried to remain positive. But it was hard. Pregnancy loss takes the joy out of subsequent pregnancies. All you feel is fear. Even when I was in the "safe zone" I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. But on November 23rd 2009, my beautiful, amazing, wonderful Joely came into the world. My rainbow baby. And then Logi bear.
Going through all of that changed both Rob, and I. And we still often talk about our babies. We know that for whatever reason, they weren't meant to be. And it's taken us both a long time to get to this point. But, looking at our beautiful boys, we know, if it hadn't been for that awful time in our lives, we might not have these amazing children.
So this August, I will light a candle for my babies. I will pray, and I will cry. But I will celebrate. I will celebrate my living children, and the joy they bring to us everyday. I will celebrate who they are, and who they will be. I will smile.
A few close friends, and family members know the story of one of the most terrible moments in my life. I've decided to tell all of you, because I finally feel ready to write it all out. And although 5 years seems like a long time, it feels like it was yesterday.
Rob, and I knew from the beginning of our relationship that we wanted to have a few kids. After we had Ciena, we were ready to do it again almost right away. Ciena was amazing! We finally decided to start trying right before she turned 2. To our surprise it only took 2 months. After I saw the 2 pink lines....I had a moment of panic. I knew I wanted another child, but it happened so fast that it was a lot to take in. But after talking to Rob, we both calmed down, and realized that even if we were nervous, we were so excited!
Now, let me say, obviously, I knew that women had miscarriages, but I never in a million years would have guessed how common they are (1 in 4!) I guess I was just naiive, thinking that something like that would never happen to me. From the beginning I had several things going through my head. First of all, I could not shake the fact that I was pregnant with twins. I told everyone that I was sure it was twins, they all smiled and said "okay, whatever." Also, I just had an overall bad feeling. I tried to push it away, but it hovered over me in everything that I did.
We told Ciena right away, although at 2, she didn't really understand. We also told everyone we knew, we had no reason to suspect that it was a bad idea. I honestly felt like the luckiest person in the world.....
It was ultrasound day! I never had an early ultrasound with Ciena, there was really no need. There were no problems, and no real reason to request one. But this time I did. That was due to my overwhelming bad feeling. Luckily my doc agreed, and I went in. I was 11 weeks 2 days pregnant. I laid down, and of course the tech told me all the obligatory, "I'll take some measurements first, and then I'll show you. But remember, at this stage, there's not really much to see." I knew right away something wasn't right. She was quiet, too quiet. She asked me how far along I thought I was. I told her 11 weeks. She asked me if I had any bleeding or spotting? Still no. Then she dropped the bomb. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but, there are 2 sacs, twins. But the fetuses are undeveloped. So, either, you are not as far along as you thought, or this is a missed miscarriage." I was stunned, but not surprised. I told her that there was no way I was off on my dates. I had taken a positive pregnancy test at least 6 weeks ago. I knew what had happened. She then told me that she would rush the results to my doctor, and he would call me. She seemed as heartbroken as I was.
I drove home alone, and in tears. Explaining everything to Rob wasn't easy. Because I told him that she said maybe I was just wrong about my dates, he was so hopeful. He thought I was just being pessimistic, but, I knew. My body had been telling me for months, I just ignored it. The next day, my doctor called. I knew instantly the news wasn't good, because it was a Friday, and my doctor doesn't even have office hours on Fridays. He wanted me to come into the office right away. So I did...
He confirmed everything the ultrasound tech said to me. But it was all a blur. "Twin pregnancy.....undeveloped.....very sorry." My doctor was concerned that I hadn't had any bleeding, or even cramping. At 11 weeks he felt like I may need a D&C. He sent me home, and told me that he would call me the following day with an appointment to have another ultrasound, just to be sure, and meet with a surgeon. So I went home struggling with how I would tell my husband. But I didn't have time to worry about that. When I got home, I started spotting. I called my mom, and we went to the hospital. There was a follow ultrasound, and then a meeting with the surgeon telling me that he wanted to do a D&C immediately. My mom called Rob, and he go there just in time to see me off.
I remember waiting to be wheeled into the OR. Every nurse, and doctor stopped to hug me, and say how sorry they were. That meant so much to me. I finally got into the OR, and all I cared about was having it done. When I woke up, I felt empty. Physically, and emotionally.
2 pink lines...again. I was terrified. Why did I keep doing this to myself? But, I tried to remain positive. But it was hard. Pregnancy loss takes the joy out of subsequent pregnancies. All you feel is fear. Even when I was in the "safe zone" I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. But on November 23rd 2009, my beautiful, amazing, wonderful Joely came into the world. My rainbow baby. And then Logi bear.
Going through all of that changed both Rob, and I. And we still often talk about our babies. We know that for whatever reason, they weren't meant to be. And it's taken us both a long time to get to this point. But, looking at our beautiful boys, we know, if it hadn't been for that awful time in our lives, we might not have these amazing children.
So this August, I will light a candle for my babies. I will pray, and I will cry. But I will celebrate. I will celebrate my living children, and the joy they bring to us everyday. I will celebrate who they are, and who they will be. I will smile.
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Reasons my toddler might be a dog...
He spins around in circles when he gets excited
He loves the shit out of balls....that doesn't sound right, but you get the idea.
He feels threatened when he is cornered, and tends to get aggressive
He barks...
His farts often clear the room
He enjoys chewing on shoes
He has no shame
He often leaves a path of destruction behind him...
Twins!
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