So, after the day/week/month I've had, I feel like I need to post this. I need to give an account of what motherhood is really like....for most of us. And it has occurred to me, that I should post this because, maybe some mommies feel like the way they sometimes feel is wrong, or the way they act, or react is wrong. I'm here to make you all feel a lot better.
I am a mother. And not one of those stylish, pulled together, "How does she do it" types of mothers. More like a frumpy, hot mess "Her baby isn't wearing any shoes" types of mothers. *Disclaimer:I do put shoes on my baby....but he is forever taking them off, so you're pretty much guaranteed to see him shoeless.
I have good days, like when my Amazon order gets delivered, or when both my boys nap...at the same time, any day that I don't have to wash puke/snot/shit off of myself is just a bonus. And I knew what I was in for when I signed up for this mothering gig. But some things just never occurred to me when deciding to become a mother.
I have not been to the bathroom alone since 2006, for real. I don't know about you, but there is nothing more likely to constipate you than a toddler sitting on a stool in front of the toilet, watching you try to poop.
Hot food just doesn't taste good to me anymore. And I can't quite relax, and enjoy my meal unless there is someone sitting in my lap, eating off my plate.....and yet I'm still fat.Go figure.
Sleep sounds good, in theory. But between a snoring husband, children kicking me all night, and all the random shit that runs through my head on a constant loop.....oh, the sun is up!
I will never be a MILF. Not that I want creepy dudes checking me out....well, maybe I do. The point is, I'll never be one of those women who people look at, and say "I cannot believe you've had 3 kids!" The comments I generally get are, "Oh! When are you due?!"
I look like shit. My hair, my skin, circles under my eyes. Having kids has aged me like 100 years.
I could probably go on, but I'm starting to depress myself. There are some things that I do, that I'm not particularly proud of. Things that I convince myself that "with it" mothers don't do. Things like,
Cry in the bathroom while my children are on the other side of the door carrying on about anything, and everything.
Yell at my kids when they act like...well...kids.
Pretend to watch my kids do awesome "tricks" while keeping one eye on phone/computer/t.v.
Let my kids have absolute crap for breakfast/lunch/dinner, because I'm too tired to cook something substantial.
Imagine what I might be doing if I hadn't had kids....horrible,I know.
Dream of taking a vacation...alone....to a winery.
Wear earplugs, because I just need to take the edge off the whining.
Order takeout,and pretend I made it.
So there you have it. I could probably write a novel about everything I think I'm doing to fail my kids. And these thoughts go through my head more often than not. But I wanted to let you know, it's tough. Raising kids is fucking hard. But the rewards(hugs, "I love you's) make it all worth it. And if you disagree, just wait until you're old, and get back at them. Make them change your shitty diapers. ;)