Saturday, 10 March 2012


This is how I feel. Like I'm failing. Failing at being a mom, at being a wife, at everything. I'm not even sure I know where to start. 

I have a baby that is pretty fussy, and like to be held I swear, I can pick him up and he will fall fast asleep, I can hold him for 20 minutes until I'm certain he is in a deep sleep. But I lay him down, and he screams! Because of this, I have no hands, or time to do...well, anything. I would love to be able to sit down and finish a meal. Hell, some days I don't eat at all until 8:00pm, and yet I am not losing any weight. Having a fussy baby is so overwhelming...I hate sounding so whiny, but I literally feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown every single day.

I can't get housework done. And I know a lot of people say, "oh the housework can wait." I wish I was okay with that sentiment. It really makes my skin crawl looking around the house, and seeing a mess. Rob does help when he comes home from work. But, he definitely doesn't do anything the way I would do it. And that's a problem for me;)  The way he loads and unloads the dishwasher drives me nuts!!! I mean, he gets things out of the cupboard, how does he still not know where everything goes? The last thing I want is to open the cupboard and have plates and bowl falls on me because he has stacked bowls on top of plates, on top of bowls....seriously?! I guess I just feel like less of a wife, and mom if I can't stay on top of the simplest tasks. I'm home all day, and Rob still comes home to a messy house, and dinner isn't ready. Yes, I want to be that wife.

I yell...a lot. I am so frustrated, and stressed out because of Logan's fussiness, that my kids gt the brunt of it. I feel like I yell all the time and I don't like it. It's not their fault that Logan is crying, it's not their fault that I'm stressed, it's not their fault that I feel the way I do. I don't want this to be the childhood they remember. A mommy that had no time for them, and yelled all the time. I just want to feel somewhat put together. I want to be able to shower, I want to be able to enjoy this stage of my kid's lives. I just want to feel better...

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