I don't know what it is. I'm struggling. It may be sleep deprivation, possibly the stress of day in day out with 3 kids, or maybe it's PPD/PPA sneaking back up on me? Either way, I don't like feeling this way. I got irrationally upset about something today, and I can't seem to let it go.
In December Rob quit Waxman, and started working for the city of Hamilton. He has a pretty bad back problem, and the work that he was doing, coupled with some other things gave him the push to make the decision to make a change. The only problem? He is only employed with the city until April 12th. He was hired on for winter work, and that's when it ends. He has been working Saturdays driving truck for a guy, and tonight he told me that this guy would like to employ him full time. And while I should be thrilled....I just can't get there. He works Saturdays for this guy right now, and he is never home before 7:30 at night. Around that time, the kids are out of the bath, and getting ready for bed. I just keep thinking about my husband leaving in the morning at 5, and not getting home until 7:30, just in time to kiss his kids good night:( This is tearing me up.
Anytime I try to talk to him about it, he doesn't really listen to me. He mostly talks over me about me understanding why he needs to do this, and about the fact that he is doing this so that I can be home with the kids. And at the end of our "conversation" I end up feeling super guilty, and no better than before we started talking. I just can't get it out of my head that by the time he gets home every night me, and his kids will be headed to bed. He is going to miss so much. Logan changes so much everyday, Joel is learning something new all the time, Ciena is in school so she is always learning something new. I miss my husband. we never spend any time alone, and now I might see him a few hours here and a few hours there. This just sucks!