Saturday, 6 April 2013

Remember when you were 18?!

Hey, remember when you were 18?!

I do. It was a glorious time. I was thin, my skin was amazing, my boobs were AWESOME, and even after being out all night, I still looked fresh faced.

Things are in a sad state now.

I am easily 70lbs overweight, my skin pretty much hates me, I could probably tuck my boobs into my pants, and even after a good nights sleep I get asked about 57 times "are you alright? You look sick." Yes, my face is making people think I am physically ill. That's great.
I remember people who were way older than me, or possibly seemed way older than me, because I was an 18 year old dumbass, say "Just wait until you get older. You get married, you have kids, you stress about shit that most 18 year olds aren't even thinking about. You'll blink, and you won't recognize yourself." Alright, that's not exactly what they said, I'm paraphrasing. It was probably more along the lines of "Wendy's again? Wow, your ass is gonna be huge when you get older!" And, what do ya know?! They were right!

Sometimes I think back to when I had that 18 year old body. And the scary thing is, I thought I was so fat back then. I would do random crash diets, and live off tic tacs. I'd never be able to do that now. I would seriously be in the corner binge eating cupcakes after 30 minutes.

As far as my face is concerned, I very rarely had breakouts at all during my teenage years. But now? Damn, my face is a happening place....ew, that didn't come out right. What I'm trying to get at here is, I get a lot of pimples. There's never any warning, they don't call first, they just show up. Fuck off! I can't accommodate you anymore! I'm 29, dammit!

The lines under my eyes. This shit is serious. I literally woke up one day,and realized why people thought I was ill....I looked bad, like, real bad. You can try to cover them up,you can add more eye makeup, you will end up looking like a really tired whore.
Did having kids do this?? I mean, I blame most of my physical problems on my kids, so it won't be a big deal to add another one. My back hurts-kids, my hair looks like shit-kids, I haven't pooped regularly since 2005-KIDS!

I'm trying to take better care of myself now. Yeah, I know, why didn't I just do that 10 years ago? Better late than never, right? I really do miss my 18 year old boobs, but now I have 68 year old boobs, so that's fun...

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