Tuesday, 2 April 2013

You know what really grinds my gears??

Parenting edition!

So, here I am again. Now, I'm sure every parent has some parenting "pet peeves" and if they say they don't, they're dirty fucking liars. And while I could just rattle off the same parenting issues that every parent has, "my kid won't sleep!" "I never have time to myself!" I have decided to tell you what grinds my gears about parenting, that is specific to my kids.

"Come with me to the bathroom"
Alright, my kids are scaredy cats. Seriously, they are incapable, even in the daylight to venture anywhere by themselves. So,there is a constant, "come with me to the bathroom/bedroom/livingroom..." What are they scared of? That's a great question.The best part is, they don't even fucking know! Trust me, I've asked. And if I refuse to go with them, then I get to clean up the puddle of piss that they leave on the floor. I remember being afraid of lots of different things as a kid,but the difference is, I was afraid because my parents were irresponsible, and let me watch a lot of garbage. ;) If Barbie has an episode based on the movie Poltergeist, I haven't seen it.

"You're laughing at me!" 
This is one of Ciena's favourite sayings. Now, I am not mean to my kids. I don't belittle them, or say rude things to them. But we do joke around. Ciena has no problem laughing at the jokes when they're about anyone but her. And when I say joke, I mean friendly joking. Sometimes  I get a glimpse of what our life will be like in 5 years. The wailing/shrieking/general crying over everything. It can be something as simple as her saying a word wrong, or just saying something funny. I tell someone "you'll never guess what Ciena said!" and that's all it takes. Suddenly, you are laughing at her, you don't like her, you think she's ridiculous (not entirely untrue) It's gotten to the point where she'll tell a joke, or say something just to be funny, and I just stare blankly ahead, like an emotionless zombie. All the while praying that she doesn't think that this means that I don't think she's funny, and I'm trying to stifle her comedy.

"You're starving me!"
This phrase is uttered to me, at least 4 times a week. My kids are picky, so picky in fact that they have conditions about what kind of hot dogs they will eat! I stress daily about what to make for dinner, my kids only like a handful of foods, none of which I'd like to be a part of my menu plan every week. Pancakes with ketchup? No thanks. Cucumbers dipped in vanilla yogurt? Hmm, I'll pass. So, I pretty much came to the conclusion that they will eat, or starve....not literally of course. Have you ever tried  to serve a hated food to a hungry child? It's unpleasant. Joel cries, and begs me for a pogo, Ciena doesn't even know what she wants, she just doesn't want spaghetti. All of a sudden it's really fucking loud. I try to ignore them, and that's when this gets thrown out, "You're starving me!" "You're refusing to feed me!" At that point,I'm never even sure myself what's going to happen. Am I going to cave, give them what they want? Do I stand my ground? Or do I lock myself in my bedroom with an abundance of chocolate? Hmm,what do you think?

"I pooped!"
Joel is potty trained and I still have to wipe his ass......I hate wiping asses.

"I'm pissed/hurt/frustrated, so I'm gonna bang my head off the floor."
Yeah, Logan bangs his head on things to express any emotion that isn't happiness.....Not really sure what to say about that.

"It was an accident!" 
I hear this phrase about 673 times a day, and it is never an accident...

I love these kids, but sometimes they really grind my gears!

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