Monday, 8 April 2013

You know what really grinds my gears??

Isn't he adorable?!
This is Cash. He is our 4 year old Newfoundland. He is 140lbs of pure fucking insanity. For real. He's a pretty good dog, and generally well behaved, and cute. Did I mention cute?? But, he really makes me shake my head, and ask, WTF?

He has an eating disorder. I am pretty sure he would eat if he was allowed. Rob usually gets up between 5-6am. And the second that Cash hears Rob stirring, he is up. Generally,he'll go right to Rob's side of the bed, and start whining. And that whining is accompanied by the incessant tail wagging.....which bangs against the wall loud enough to wake Logan. When Rob finally gets out of bed, we all get to listen to Cash lose his everloving mind while Rob gets dressed. Like full on, running around in circles, whining, and freaking out. Sometimes we think that he just has to pee really bad, so we let him outside. That is usually met with crazy barking,and the sound of him pawing his food bowl around the porch. This continues until he is fed. Then, heaven forbid Rob should get home early any night. Cash gets horribly confused. He will literally sit by his bag of food, looking from person to person, and whining because he thinks it's supper time.

He can't do steps. It's either the steps, or the laminate flooring, we're not too sure. We have a step up leading into our living room. Now,it's maybe a foot high. Now, I'm not even exaggerating a little bit when I say,he cannot climb this step without falling on his ass. This is how it starts. We all enter the living room, Cash gets to the step,and just stands there. He is terrified of this step. He will either stand there and stare at us,and whine until Rob helps him, or, if any one of us takes food into the room with us, he will attempt the step himself. And what happens is him falling on his ass just as he brings his back legs up. We try and help him most of the time because we are afraid he's going to really hurt himself.

He smells like mouldy ass. Dog farts are pretty bad, but I think I can safely say, "My dog smells way worse than your dog." I couldn't tell you what makes him smell so bad. He loves garbage, and he eats a lot of it, so that may be a contributing factor. But, this is all I know. We have started putting him outside while we eat dinner. Mainly because his smell was making us all lose our appetites. And for some reason he saved it all, just to let it out while we were eating. Awesome. And this is the best part. Aren't dog farts usually silent? Not Cash. He lets them rip, but that at least gives us time to get him outside, so I guess the warning is nice.

He also has an issue with doorways.Cash is pretty curious. He really is still like a puppy in a lot of ways. So, he likes to explore the house. Very often, he'll wander away, and then a few minutes later I'll hear whining. Then I start searching. And there he is in the bathroom. Now the first few times he did this, I was thoroughly confused. He was just standing there in the doorway. I would stare at him. "What the fuck are you just standing there for?" Then he looked confused.Until I would go in,and push the door completely open,and out he came. Let me say, there was more than enough room for him to get through the doorway, but unless a door is completely open, he just stands there with a dumb look on his face. Although that may just be his normal face.

He barks at everything. "Oh look! Someone is walking past our house, I'm gonna bark!" Oh look! The neighbour dogs are outside, I'm gonna bark!" "Oh look! Someone that I have known forever, and I see all the fucking time just pulled in, I'm gonna bark extra loud and long!" Sometimes this fucking dog barks at the trees, when the wind blows the leaves.....

He's awesome, but he can be a real pain in the ass!

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